After the Toss
by Matthew White
Summary: Set and the very end of season 10. Harm and Mac had left it to fate to decide. But what happens when two people really start communicating?


**After the Toss**

**A JAG Short Story**

Written by Matthew R. White

© October 1, 2013

Based on the Characters and series created by Donald P. Bellisario

...

**02:35 ZULU**

**Outside of McMurphy's Tavern**

Mac was happy, truly happy; happier than she had ever been. She briefly looked down at the diamond on her left hand before gazing into the eyes of her future husband, her love and life mate. For Lt. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie, giving up her career was a small price to pay for the promise of a life with the man she had been in love with for almost nine years.

Nine years. The very words she had spoken to Harm just a few hours ago. _Had I known that I was in love with him that long ago?_ she thought to herself. Since General Cresswell had made what would be for her and Harm, a life changing announcement, Mac had been pondering all of their shared history. There had been some good times, some bad times, and some desperate times. It had been those desperate times, the times either or both of them were in danger, or ill, or troubled, which had cemented their friendship, and nurtured their love.

She reached around his neck and drew him in for a deep kiss, fully expecting to awaken and find this was only in her mind. A tear trickled down her cheek which Harm brushed aside once they separated.

"Sarah, are you all right?"

Her heart still jumped at the sound of her given name on his lips, sending a shiver up her spine.

"Yeah...I'm…I'm just afraid I'm going to wake up and find out this is just a dream."

"Want me to prove it isn't a dream," quipped Harm, as he briefly drew her lips back to his own.

"What did you have in mind, sailor?"

Mac watched his face morph into the megawatt smile she had grown to cherish. "I made reservations for us at the Ritz-Carlton," he offered. "With both of our places packed and ready for shipment, we needed a place to sleep."

"Just sleep?" she inquired, her voice laden with suggestiveness.

"Well…I guess we'll get to sleep eventually."

"I wouldn't bank on it, flyboy," she said before kissing him again.

...

**07:13 ZULU**

**The Ritz-Carlton Hotel, Georgetown**

Captain Harmon Rabb stared up at the ceiling in the bedroom of their hotel suite basking in a post-coital embrace with the woman he loved, gently caressing her shoulders while she toyed with the hairs on his chest. Harm knew that he had been in love with her much longer than he was willing to admit.

The pair had shared chemistry, a point they both realized soon after they had met in the White House Rose garden, nine years ago. To Harm, the attraction went well beyond the fact that then Major Sarah "Mac" MacKenzie bore an uncanny resemblance to his slain girlfriend. It had been another two years before Mac discovered this.

"_No wonder you looked at me like you had seen a ghost,"_ Mac had said to him, holding a picture of Diane. _"That could be me."_

"_You two were nothing alike,"_ Harm had told her. _"Even your voice is different."_

Notwithstanding, they formed a fast and lasting bond which well exceeded the boundaries of friendship and danced on the threshold of intimacy. Harm and Mac had often shared things with each other they never would share with anyone else, even an intimate partner. _We should have been together a long time ago,_ he thought to himself.

In his mind, Rabb cursed himself a fool. _How many times did I push her away? How many times did I almost lose her to another? How many times was she almost…_

Harm choked back a sob remembering the car accident Christmas Eve. Despite the fact that Sarah's car had been totaled and the rescue team had used the "Jaws of Life" to extricate her from the twisted wreckage of the vehicle, she had suffered only minor cuts and bruises. The ER physician had said it was a miracle.

"Harm?"

"I'm okay, Sarah. Try to get some sleep. We have a busy day tomorrow." He knew his voice had betrayed him and she was sure to pick up on it.

Mac rolled over and reached for the nightstand raising the lights enough so she could see him. Turning back to her fiancé she propped herself up on her elbow. "Talk to me, Harm. What's wrong?"

He thought about minimizing, but Harm had decided not to hide his feelings from her anymore. He rolled onto his side to face her, still caressing her shoulder. Sarah didn't pressure him to answer and he tried to gather his thoughts.

"Can't sleep, too much on my mind," he said after a while. "I was just thinking about the accident again. You could have been killed that night."

"I know," she replied, wiping a tear from his cheek. "We've both had a few close calls over the years. Someone must be watching over us."

Harm thought about all the times they had faced death together. The time they had to set down in Appalachia, the time they punched out of the Russian fighter, the time they faced fire in Afghanistan, the mine field in Afghanistan, their ordeal in Paraguay; these events were foremost on his mind. She had saved his life more times than he could remember, and she, his just as many times.

"Yeah, you've got that right, ninja girl," quipped Harm, some levity returning to his voice. "Nine years of shared history is a long time."

"I've been thinking about that for the last three days," she replied. "We certainly will have some stories to tell our grand…"

She stopped mid-sentence and Harm felt her tense up. Placing a hand on her cheek, he kissed her forehead. "I not ready to give up hope of us having a child together, Sarah."

Her smile spoke the things she seemed to be unable to put into words. Looking into her eyes, Harm sensed her pondering something else.

"Harm?"

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you let me help you with Mattie?"

_Why didn't I let her in?_ he asked himself. _I knew I needed her._

"I'm not really sure," he replied, wrestling with his own feelings. "I knew you were still dealing with your own issues. You didn't need added stress."

Even though his voice conveyed genuine concern, Mac rolled her eyes and took a deep breath. "Harm, haven't you learned by now that I want to be there for you?"

Harm knew she had been frustrated by his aloof behavior, but he was beginning to understand her point of view. They were finally communicating. Her hand was still caressing his cheek and he covered it with his.

"You always have been, Mac. I didn't want to pressure you, especially after you said you needed space…"

"I said I needed time," she interjected, softly. "There's a difference. I still needed your friendship, Harm. I wanted you to help me sort things out I just didn't know how tell you. But I didn't have the right to hold you back."

She paused for a while, seeming to be collecting her thoughts. Patiently, Harm waited for her to continue.

"At the Admiral's dining out, you told me you wanted to be a part of my life. You didn't say it, but I knew you loved me. You've always been there for me. You don't know how much I wanted to throw myself into your arms that night. I almost did."

"Maybe you should have, Sarah."

"Yeah, maybe," she considered. "I was a mess. I knew I loved you too, and I saw what I wanted, but I was scared."

"Lt. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie, United States Marine Corps, scared? I don't believe it."

"Believe it sailor," she affirmed. "Underneath this tough jarhead exterior sometimes lies a frightened little girl," she said, her voice cracking at the end. Mac began to tear up and Harm pulled her close to him.

"I never meant to shut you out, Sarah. I tried to tell you how I felt, but something always seemed to get in the way."

She pulled away just enough to look at him. "I know. It seems like we've both been sending mixed signals. I don't want to do that anymore, Harm. You told me that you wanted to be part of my life…well…I want to be part of yours, no matter what life brings."

"I think that goes along with being married, Mac."

"The piece of paper isn't going to help us work through our problems. We still have to work through them ourselves. If we don't learn how to do that, we're not going to be happy."

Mac paused a moment, then continued, "When I was a little girl, this was before my mother left; there was a plaque which hung on our living room wall. It had a drawing of a man and woman embracing. Next to them was a poem. The poem read, When God created woman, he didn't take from man's head, for her to rule over him, or from his feet, to be trod upon. He took a rib from his side, to be equal to him, under his arm, to be protected by him, and near his heart, to be loved by him. This is my dream, Harm, it's what I've always wanted."

Harm had been moved to tears by the poem and her admission.

"I didn't think you needed anyone to protect you, ninja girl," he said, trying to make light. "Seriously, we've saved each other's six more than once, despite anything else that has happened between us."

"Sometimes it's nice to have someone watching out for you. Remember what happened on the _Watertown_?"

"The guy who was suffering from MBP, what was his name, Chief Hodge?"

Mac nodded.

"It's funny, we had been at each other's throats for weeks, I don't even remember why. Somehow it seemed so insignificant after Hodge tried to kill us. I recall lying on the floor of the auxiliary machine room holding on to each other, just thankful we were still alive."

"Do you remember what I suggested to you earlier that day?"

"That we had deeper rooted issues, I remember. One of the reasons I got so upset is deep down I knew you were right. I was in love with you, Mac, and I didn't want to face it. So I stuffed my feelings and I began to resent you because of it."

"Is that when you first realized how you felt?" she inquired.

"No," he replied. "I knew long before then."

This time it was Harm who needed to pause while he collected his thoughts.

"The night you came to my apartment, the night I went after Diane's killer."

"You knew then?" she asked, clearly surprised.

"When you told me that I was kissing Diane, you were only partially right. While I was saying goodbye to her, I knew my heart was beating for you. Surprised?"

"A little, but now that I'm thinking about it, I felt something too. Maybe we should have talked about it then."

Harm rolled to his back as Sarah lowered her head to his chest.

"It seems to be a common theme with us; regrets, that is."

"Only because we weren't open with each other, Harm. And I'm just as guilty as you in that respect. I don't want to do that anymore. If you're hurting, I want to be there for you. I want to know you'll be there for me. We don't have to hide our feelings anymore. We should be able to make this work."

"Did I ever tell you that Admiral Chegwidden once said that he'd get us a room if he thought it would help."

"The Admiral said that," she exclaimed. "When…where…to whom? Do I really want to know?"

"Don't worry, it was said in private to someone we trust," said Harm, somewhat amused with her reaction. Besides it wasn't a big secret. Everyone knew we cared about each other, at least anyone who knew us."

"I guess you're right," she said.

They basked in the silence for a while before Mac spoke again.

"What do you think the General meant when he asked us to call him if we changed our minds?"

"I thought that was self explanatory, Mac."

This time she swatted him as she rolled her eyes.

"It wasn't so much what he said as it was the way he said it. Didn't you get the feeling he was driving at something?"

"No, not really, I mean we both told him we were bond by the coin toss, that is, unless you're having second thoughts."

"No!" she said a little too quick and sharp. She continued in a softer voice, "I mean no, are you?"

"Not about marrying you," he replied.

"What about moving to London?"

"Yes."

Sarah propped herself on her elbow so she could face him, waiting for him to form his thoughts.

"When General Cresswell made his announcement I have to admit, taking the position in London sounded like a dream come true. You know Bud is right. The London billet is a step to becoming the next JAG. All I had to do was give up the woman I love."

"You don't have to, Harm. You won the toss, fair and square."

"Maybe having things right between us changes my perception."

Mac looked at him intensely, "What are you saying? You don't want to take the billet?"

"I'm not sure going to London is the best choice for us, Sarah. I don't want to give up my career, but I need to do what is best for my family. Mattie is going to require special care, perhaps for a long time after she comes home. The doctor is still hopeful, but, we still don't know if she'll walk again. Who's going to help us if we go to London? What do we do about our Godchildren. Bud and Harriet can't afford to travel overseas to visit us all the time."

"Harm, slow down," she said, soothingly. "Moving to San Diego has problems as well. Besides you giving up your career, we still would have to figure on care for Mattie that is assuming she can travel at all. Bud and Harriet would still be on the east coast…"

"Cross country plane fair is much cheaper than flying to England," Harm interjected. "Who knows, maybe Harriet and Bud will reconsider coming with us. And my parents would be close enough to help us take care of Mattie."

"I didn't think about that. I mean about Bud and Harriet. Your parents, they wouldn't mind helping us?"

"Mom has already offered. Remember I called to tell her about our engagement."

"Yeah, you did," answered Sarah. "Harm, are you really sure about this? I don't want you to make a decision you'll regret later."

"I am sure, Mac," he affirmed, looking deep into her eyes. "Our happiness is more important to me than anything else."

Harm knew he had convinced her when she met his lips with hers.

"I was thinking," she said, after the electrifying kiss had ended. "There is a third choice we haven't considered."

...

**11:35 ZULU**

**JAG Headquarters, Falls Church, VA**

Harm and Mac stepped off the elevator onto the second floor hallway leading to the JAG offices. Harm's flight to London was scheduled to depart Washington-Dulles at 13:00 and Mac's flight didn't leave Andrews until 18:00.

Although she was exhausted, Mac knew her all night discussion with Harm had been well worth it. In their nine year relationship, they had never enjoyed such a deep conversation. _Okay, maybe lying in bed after making love, separated by nothing but skin helped,_ she thought, but she realized that they had made a breakthrough. _Whatever happens, we are going to be okay._

Holding onto his arm, she allowed herself to be escorted into the bullpen. It was early and most of the staff would not be in for another hour. Mac and Harm wanted to see the General before things got busy.

"Captain Rabb, Colonel MacKenzie," called the General, as he came from the kitchen with a coffee mug. "Grab yourselves a cup and join me in my office."

"Aye, aye, sir," replied Rabb.

In the kitchen, Sarah fidgeted as her fiancé fixed their coffee.

"Nervous," he inquired.

"A little," she answered. "I'd feel better if I knew how this is going to go down."

Rabb turned from the counter and handed her the mug of coffee.

"Suck it up, marine, we're about to find out."

...

A few moments later, the pair tapped on the General's open door.

"Close the hatch behind you and have a seat," ordered the General.

Once they were seated the General looked up from the paperwork he had in front of him.

"So, what will it be, San Diego or London?"

"Well, sir," began Harm, "The Colonel and I decided that London is out."

"I see," the General said, seemingly pondering. "I guess that means you're both going to San Diego."

"Not exactly," replied Harm. He looked to his future wife and she continued.

"As excited as I would be about setting up the new Joint Legal Service Center, I can't really be happy knowing Harm has to give up his career for it to happen. Truth be told, sir, I would miss working with him. We've decided we want to stay in DC, sir. Can I decline the posting and stay here at JAG?"

"Tuning down the assignment is not an option, Colonel. The CNO was quite adamant about you heading up this operation. The only way to avoid it is to resign your commission and that is something I'd rather not see you do."

"I'd rather not leave the Corps either, General, but Harm and I have to do what is best for each other. If we both resign, we can open our own law firm, stay close to Bud, Harriet and the children. Harm and I want to petition the court for joint custody of Mattie…"

"How's she doing, by the way," asked the General.

"She woke up two nights ago," answered Harm. "Jen had just sat down with her when she regained consciousness. She was able to move her limbs a little so the doctor is still hopeful that she will regain her mobility."

"That's good news, Captain," said Cresswell.

"Still, it's going to be a long road back before Mattie will walk again, if at all."

Sarah was having trouble reading the General. He had always been aloof, even when he was her boss's boss in Okinawa. And even though she had grown to respect the man over the past several months, she still didn't really know him. But her instinct told her that he had their best intentions at heart.

"Captain, Colonel," began the General, "I don't want either of you to resign your commissions. You are both good officers and the service needs good officers, especially now. I was glad to hear you two discussed this in depth. Truth be told, I thought the coin toss was a bad idea."

"I would have thought a man of your spiritual beliefs would believe in divine intervention," quipped Harm.

The General chuckled a bit.

"Divine intervention, yes, I do believe in that, but fate, as in blind chance? No, I don't. I think the good Lord has too many more important things to do than interfere with the outcome of a coin toss. That's why he blessed us with intelligence, and from where I sit, I think the two of you are very blessed."

"Thank you, sir," said the engaged couple, responding in unison.

"So, the question remains, how do we keep both of you in the service without separating you?"

"You have an idea, don't you," offered Sarah. "That's why you wanted to see us."

"I do," the General replied. "Call it, my backup plan."

Mac and Harm just looked at each other in disbelief.

"A. J. Chegwidden had been ordered to reassign both of you two years ago. Somehow, he managed to convince the SECNAV that such a move was not in the best interests of the Navy or Marine Corps. I think he was hoping the two of you would realize the obvious."

Cresswell's voice lowered and he suddenly sounded very sincere, "Let's check our rank at the door for a moment. Right now, I'm speaking to both of you as a friend. It was plainly obvious to me when I took command that the two of you loved each other, but neither one of you was doing anything about it. Quite frankly, for those who really care about you, it was torture. Not good for morale. So, after conferring with the Admiral, I decided I needed to force the issue."

"This was you're doing, sir?" asked Harm.

"Partially," replied the General. "SECNAV wanted the Colonel to head this San Diego billet for quite awhile now. This was going to happen regardless. Sending you to London, Captain, was my doing. For one thing, you've earned it, but unlike Colonel MacKenzie, you had the option to refuse, a point I neglected to tell you."

"So you turned our world upside down," Rabb remarked.

"In AJ's words, I gave you both a swift kick in the six," Cresswell said. "To be honest, if I could keep both of you in my command, given your current status, I would do so. You are both damn fine lawyers. But military decorum requires that one of you has to leave JAG, so Colonel, if you accept the assignment in San Diego; Captain Rabb will be required to transfer out and the London posting would be unavailable to him."

"I'm not following you, sir," said Sarah.

"I think I know where he's going," interjected Harm. "Coronado Naval Base is one of the largest naval facilities on the West Coast. It is home to Carrier Strike Group One, Carrier Strike Group Seven, CNAP, CNAF and at least twenty three land based fighter squadrons."

"Twenty four, Captain."

"Beg pardon, sir."

General Cresswell leaned back in his chair, clearly enjoying himself.

"Are you familiar with the F-22 Raptor, Captain?"

"Of course, sir, it's an Air Force bird the first Generation-Five Air Superiority fighter."

"That's correct, Captain," offered the General. "It is scheduled to go into squadron service at the end of the year. What you probably don't know is the Navy bought five aircraft for testing carrier suitability. They were delivered a week ago and the new Squadron, VFXA-100, needs a commander. Now this is normally a three stripe billet, but after I placed a call to the SECNAV, he agreed to shoehorn a four striper in place, that is, if you are interested. Now before you answer, understand that you'll be doing more paperwork than flying and as part of the deal, the commander of the Joint Legal Service Center, that would be you Colonel, may call on your services when she is short handed."

Mac and Harm looked at each other in disbelief. They had gone from lose-lose to win-win in a matter of minutes.

"Mac, are you okay with this?"

"I…I don't know. This was unexpected," she replied before turning to the General. "Could we have a moment alone, sir?"

"Of course, I need to get a refill anyway," he said, as he stood and grabbed his mug. "Open the hatch when you're ready to talk."

...

When they were alone, Sarah took her future husband's hands in hers.

"Harm, I don't believe this. Are you sure we aren't dreaming?"

"If we are, we're sharing the same dream, Mac. So what do you think?"

"I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't worried about you flying full time again. But I fell in love with a pilot. It's who you are."

"You heard the General, Mac. I'll be pushing more paper than pulling G's."

"Don't lie to me, flyboy. I saw your eyes light up when he told you about the new aircraft. You'll be in the air every chance you get."

"Forget the flying for a moment," said Harm. "Do we want to go to San Diego?"

"I had resigned myself to the fact we were going leave the military behind. We would still be away from Harriet and Bud…"

"You could always appoint a temporary XO and give Bud and Harriet time to think about it. Say six months or so? The real question is; do we want to stay in the military?"

"Yeah, as long as you're part of the plan," she replied. "What about you? Do we what to go to San Diego?"

"Yeah, I do too. I realized something this morning; it doesn't matter to me where we end up, as long as we're together."

"Then let's do this, flyboy."

"You read me mind, ninja girl."

...

**20:15 ZULU**

**Washington-Dulles Airport**

**Two days later**

Mac and Harm stood at the gate as they watched her plane being prepared for its flight to San Diego. General Cresswell had managed to delay her reporting deadline, allowing the couple some time together.

"I always knew you marines were softies underneath," teased Harm. He ducked as Mac feigned a swat at him.

"Don't let the General hear you say that, squid. You might find yourself posted to Keflavik, or Timbuktu."

"You were so worried about him when he took command, Mac. You see, it turned out all right."

"Thanks for that, by the way," she said, smiling up at him.

"For what?"

"For supporting me when I needed it. For keeping me grounded. For sticking by me, even when I was being difficult. Most guys would have moved on a long time ago, but you, you've always been there."

"Hey, Mac, I remember someone who was going to follow me to death's door when I was searching for my Dad. I'll never forget that," Harm said, pausing for a moment. "I'm glad the General gave you a couple extra days to report."

"I am too, Harm. I really needed this time to connect with you. It will help me get through the next couple of weeks."

They had decided that Harm would stay in Washington to oversee the moving of their belongings. Mattie was continuing to improve and the doctor felt she would be able to travel by next week, providing her condition didn't worsen.

Tom Johnson signed a waiver allowing Mac and Harm joint custody of Mattie. He had checked himself into rehab the night they got engaged.

"_I want to thank you for the chance to get to know my daughter again, Captain,"_ he had said. _"I'm going to try to get sober again and right now, Mattie deserves to have a family who loves her. I know she'll be fine with you and Colonel MacKenzie, Harm. Best of luck to both of you, and tell Mattie I love her."_

"_I will, but you should tell her yourself. Get yourself straightened out. You are always welcome to come visit us."_

"_That could take a very long time, Captain."_

"_It will take what it takes, Tom. One day at a time."_

"Penny for your thoughts," offered Sarah, bringing him back to the here and now.

"I was just thinking about Mattie's Dad."

"I know. He has a long road ahead of him. I glad to see him take the first steps."

"You got right back on the wagon."

"Yeah I did," she pondered. "But I had love and support from a true friend."

Their reverie was interrupted by the boarding call. They drew into a long embrace. When they drew apart, Harm saw her tears causing his own eyes to get misty.

"Hey, marines aren't supposed to cry," he said, brushing her tears aside.

"Neither are sailors," she countered, mirroring his motions.

"Hey, Mac, it's only a couple of weeks, we've done this before," quipped Harm, trying to lighten the mood.

"That was before I knew what it was like to really be loved by you. I'm going to miss you Harm, I love you, be safe okay?"

"I'll miss you too, I love you, Sarah. You take care of yourself, promise?"

The boarding call sounded again and they shared one last searing kiss before parting.

As she walked to the gate, Harm called out to her, "Sarah?"

When she turned back, Captain Harmon Rabb snapped to attention and delivered a smart salute.

"Semper Fi, marine!"

Taking a deep breath, Lt Colonel Sarah MacKenzie drew herself to attention and returned his salute.

"Fair weather, sailor."

Turning on her heel, she strode through the gate and onto the waiting aircraft. Fifteen minutes later, the 767 lifted off the runway as Captain Rabb watched, already missing his life mate.

END

...

**My thoughts:**

First of all, I would like to thank all who took the time to review my first foray into the JAG universe, and yes, this is a prequel to a much larger story.

Let me share my own critique on the story. I love writing dialogue, which is a good thing because Mac and Harm had quite a bit to say to each other. Despite the fact Harm and Mac were both flawed and complex characters (which made them believable); the idea that two highly intelligent people, who were very much in love, having to resort to a coin toss to make such an important decision is laughable. So I chose to use that moment as a catalyst, allowing them to communicate their true feelings, thus preserving the canon ending and still have a realistic ending to the series.

What I didn't like, was my lack of descriptive summary in this story. The dialogue is what carries the tale and I think I can do better, so don't be surprised if you read this later and find that I have polished it a bit.

Steamboat raised a valid point about Harm not being able to work under Mac's chain of command, but the rank difference is not the real issue. (Some of the JAG judges were outranked by counsel but still presided in the courtroom.) But their (Harm and Mac) engagement/marriage most certainly would be a problem. In the event Mac needed to utilize Harm for a case, she would have to send a formal request to the JAG (Cresswell) and that would be forwarded to CNAF (Commander Navel Air Forces) a three star admiral (VADM), who is Harm's commanding officer in my storyline. Harm's experimental squadron (think CIA, Naval Intelligence) is utilized worldwide, therefore would not come under the supervision of a theater commander. In addition, Lt. Colonel MacKenzie would be required to recuse herself from the case. Creswell would be the reviewing authority in the matter. I didn't cover all of this in the story but I would (and will) when the situation arises in the follow on.

I recently picked up the complete series on DVD (for research purposes of course) and finally had a chance to review season 10, which I missed on its television run. Like most everyone else, I would have written it differently. But, one of the great things about fan fiction, is we are able to shed new light on canon events.

I don't know when I'll get to the sequel; I have another idea for another JAG short story and I still have an unfinished tale in another fandom which I need to break a writer's block. (I hate it when that happens.)

Again, thanks for the encouragement and warm welcome to the JAG fandom.

Matt


End file.
